balance?

I can learn a lot from Ava about balance!

You may (or may not) have noticed that I haven't posted in this space for about a month.  Oh, you might say to yourself, "it's summer and she is probably out having fun with the kids at the pool or busy doing something creative with the kids".  NOT SO! Well, not completely so. While yes, I have been at the pool or being creative with my babes, it has been in such small increments that I don't even think it counts.  

I have been busy with the busyness of "making do".  In the last month I have taken our simple family challenge and kicked it up to crazy and unrealistic proportions.  

For the last month I have been trying to::

keep the house clean...while trying to constantly de-clutter,

keep groceries to a minimum.... i.e. be creative and make do with what we have,

throw a birthday party and re-docorate Ava's room within the confines of our challenge,

help out at the farm 2x/week,

be a mindful and present parent,

find free and fun activities for us to do as a family,

blog (it fell right off the list but i thought about it a lot),

cook ALL meals (it started to look like a lot of grilled cheese sandwiches),

keep convenience foods (crackers, chips, granola bars) to a minimum,

be fun and spontaneous,

have dinner parties and friends over to hang out,

try new activities with the family,

keep up with sewing and ongoing projects...new dress and duvet cover for Ava's birthday,

keep calm despite the increased bickering and horrid attitudes of Ava and Anthony,

keep Rao life fresh and exciting,

be a model of gratitude and appreciation for my family 

This weekend my list came crumbling down on me.  

The kind of landslide that left me in a heaping, crying, flailing mess on the couch (leaving Sri dumbfounded!).  Feeling like I was failing at every aspect of my life.  Feeling sorry for myself.  Guilty that I have dragged my kids into this insanity.  Angry at "our challenge" and angry with myself for turning it into this ridiculous and unattainable list of rules.  How did "hey, lets try to live more simply and live off of what we already have instead of buying more" turn into me running around like crazy to try and create a modern Little House on the Prairie life  while trying to juggle everything else.  

I need to sit down with my family and redefine the guidelines of this challenge.  I need to simplify the challenge to simplify within my own mind and not be so black and white about it all.   Any suggestions?  I would be happy to hear your opinion about how to make this process a little more enjoyable.